Make la Domenica Special

When I was a kid, you could always tell it was Sunday (domenica). We would wake up to the smell of un bel caffe', have a special bakery brioche, and head off to Church. We would arrive home to the aroma of rich tomato sauce and meatballs sauteing on the stove--and if we were lucky, we were allowed to dunk a piece of crusty bread into the sauce, as long as we didn't eat so much that it would ruin our appetite for Sunday dinner.

Your Sunday customs might be similar, or entirely different from mine. That is okay. But whatever they are--or were--I urge you to renew them or start a new tradition that will set your Sunday apart from the rest of the week. When you make your Sunday special it becomes a marker--a signal--that a fresh new week (with problems of the week gone by a mere memory)--is about to begin. A week of new hope, joy, possibility.

So enjoy your Sunday. Make it special. Turn on some music. Rest. Worship. Meditate. Whatever you don't get a chance to do during your hectic week. Do it today. Then start Monday as if it were the first day of the rest of your life. Because it is.

a presto!
Raeleen

Shift Happens (And it Should!)

There is a difference between a foreigner’s perspective of the Aeolian island of Stromboli (e.g., a simple image of an active volcano) versus the perspective of Italians who live nearby and refer to Stromboli as the isola dei sentimenti, the island of feelings. They go beyond the active volcano stage to affectionately seeing her as a moody dome of impenetrable rock, calmed and softened by the embrace of her acquiescing lover, the Tyrrhenian Sea. When is the last time you looked beyond your usual way of seeing things and opened yourself up to a paradigm shift (a new way of looking at things) that could lead you to a more intensely passionate dolce vita (sweet life)? If you feel bored, stuck, or devoid of enthusiasm, or find yourself complaining all the time, it may be time to let shift happen for you, too. Imagine the transformation if you shifted from:
· Fear to courage
· Defensiveness to the ability to listen
· Worry to positive action
· Factual knowledge to wisdom
· Narrow-mindedness to open-heartedness
· Clinging tight to letting go
· Junk food to life-giving foods
· Isolation to joyful socializing
Letting yourself explore a new perspective, helps the real you to emerge by unlocking self-imposed obstacles to your growth and personal development If you are ready to make a shift and need some support in following it through, I invite you to take advantage of a free 30-minute life coaching session to explore how we can work together. Write to info@dolcevitaseminars.com At www.dolcevitaseminars.com you can also sign up for my new weight-loss teleclass, starting this month.

8 "Dolce Vita" Happiness Strategies You Can Learn

How happy are you on a scale from 1-10? You might be pleased to know that happiness is not something that just happens or doesn’t happen to us. Whether or not you have the good fortune to be wealthy--monetarily and socially--- and despite evidence of some predisposition towards our mood patterns, happiness researchers such as Michael Fordyce, etc, have found that engaging in behaviors that happy people do, will make us feel happier, too, despite our circumstances. So what is happiness? My definition is tied in to what my “dolce vita” model of the sweet life conveys: it is mastering the art of living well-- physically and emotionally... and being able to capture and savor the small joys that are woven throughout each day, which, perhaps were imperceptible to you previously.

Here are some of the best kept secrets I teach to my workshop students and life coaching clients (for a free sample life coaching telephone session: info@dolcevitaseminars.com). Feel free to see if they work for you, too.


1. Anchor Yourself with Rituals
Abraham Maslow wrote a lot about the human need for security. He did not only mean the obvious, like protecting ourselves from crime and having our finances in order, but also important is the rhythm of ritual that grounds us, and makes us feel safe in an unpredictable world. What are some healthy rituals you can weave into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines?

2. Stop Stress with Your Breath
The breath is a powerful tool for replenishing. It is like a mini vacation and an immediate stress –buster. Here is one of my favorite stress-busting breath patterns; one that I patterned after the wonderful material of integrative physician Dr Andrew Weil. It works and here is how to do it: Take 4 breaths in; hold for a count of 7 then take 8 counts to exhale through your mouth with the tongue on roof of mouth. Hear the whooshing sound it makes as you exhale. Repeat this 3-4 times. It is the next best thing to going to the Amalfi Coast.

3. Use the Thought Exchange

Did you know that 90% of worries never come true? And the ones that do come true are often beyond our control. Try this: make a list of things that make you smile, and whenever a worry comes to mind, write it down (tell yourself you can deal with it later but for now you’d like it out of your head), and substitute that negative thought with one of those positive, happy images. Make this a habit to become less a worrywart!

4. Be Physically Active

Physical activity, according to Fordyce is a wonderful antidote to a sullen mood. As he puts it “idleness is depression’s workshop”. Keep busy and engaged in the tasks at work and at home. Find ways to enjoy those activities, and in your free time, seek out activities that are fun for you. Being active is like making an investment in your life.

5. Get Organized
Most of us go thru life blindly. According to Fordyce, you get what you want when you know what you want. So get going and make a life plan. Set goals, long and short term, and give yourself a map through the journey of life.

6. Clean Up Your Relationships

First, I try to help my clients draw personal boundaries around, or eliminate toxic
relationships, so they no longer have the power to control them. Second, even with positive relationships it is always a good idea to lower your expectations, and realize that people are only human, with all of the flaws that we ourselves have. Cut the people you love some slack. Third, spend more time socializing, making friends, and also maintaining the friendships you have. This was a key point in my book “Living la Dolce Vita: Bring the Passion, Laughter, and Serenity of Italy into Your Daily Life” (http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/), and it is important to remember that while we all need time alone, too much time alone can induce the blues.

7. Keep a Self- Therapeutic Journal

Writing is a tool that can be used for self-knowledge, catharsis (blowing off steam), self-expression, and for eliminating worries. You can also use journaling as a very effective weight loss tool (see my Spring Shape Up Teleclass, starting on April 13th http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/). Any cheap spiral notebook will do the job, but these days, when self-esteem seems to be dwindling along with the economy, I advise something that would seem counterintuitive—go and buy yourself one of those beautiful hardbound blank books, as a symbol that your life is worth it. In that book write out your goals, your dreams, anything you want—but keep it in a private place so that you will feel free to express yourself.

8. Achieve Something

Everyone needs to feel good about something they’ve accomplished. Give all tasks meaning by making them worthy of your time. Whether at home or at work, do the best job you can, at whatever you do. The research has shown that happy people are productive and this gives their life purpose.

NEWS:
· SELF-HELP WRITING eBook AVAILABLE: If you’d like to become a published self-help writer, you can order my new eBook on http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/. There you will find all of the information you need to reach your writing goals, including samples of article and book proposals, exercises for developing your theme and idea, and much much more.
· SPRING SHAPE-UP TELECLASS! Do you seek a gentler way to shape up for Spring? Valerie Bertinelli isn’t the only one who can look great in a bikini! Why not join me from the comfort of your own home, for my six-week teleclass series, Mondays, starting on April 13th, 8-9:30PM EST. You can register at http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/

· FREE SAMPLE LIFE COACHING SESSION: Specializing in working with Italian Americans who want to reduce stress, save money, and live simply and more joyfully by reconnecting to the “dolce vita” principles of their heritage. To arrange for a time: info@dolcevitaseminars.com

Be Your Own "Amore"

From the poetry of Petrarcha to a scrumptious pannino, Italian style romance is multilayered—like the concentric circles that emerge after throwing a stone into a calm lake. At the center point should always be the love you give to yourself. From there your love can flow to others and out into the world and you will never feel like you are running on “empty.” As Giacomo Dacquinto wrote in his best selling Seduzione, l’arte di farsi amare, Seduction: The Art of Making Others Fall in Love With You, “Give to yourself first; then you will always have something to give others.” Pampering yourself in a way that increases your well-being (nota bene, this would not include downing an entire box of chocolates in one sitting), really does make you irresistible. When you treat yourself like you’re special, healthy relationships will float into you, without your having to seek them out. And when you have honored yourself first, you’ll be prepared to receive love and reciprocate. You don't have to wait until you're in a relationship in order to feel loved; instead declare yourself the recipient of some special treatment in advance: throw yourself a party, order a special meal, or indulge in a half hour of il dolce far niente. When you love yourself, it sends the world a message that you are also worth being loved by others.
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Visit www.dolcevitaseminars.com to find out how you can get a free sample life coaching session with the "Dolce Vita Doctor". You will also find my latest eBook on How to Write and Publish Self-Help Books and Articles--jam-packed with great useable information and examples.

The "Che ci posso fare" Way of Letting Go

I’ve seen Marianna, Rosaria, Concetta, Nerio, Nunzio, Mario, and countless other Italian friends and relatives do it: I am referring to the unmistakable ability to size up a problem al volo, on the fly, and decide whether there is anything to be done about it or not. If yes, then a creative or practical solution is put into effect without fanfare. If no -- then, like the Serenity Prayer that counsels us to accept that which we cannot change -- there is an almost imperceptible shrug of the shoulders, elbows bent, palms facing upward as the sacrosanct phrase of absolution is uttered: che ci posso fare, loosely translated as “what are you going to do?”

As a kid growing up, I didn’t understand how this wise phrase reflected a mental turning point that allows you to put an impossible worry behind you and get back to the business of enjoying life. Who’s to say that with the passage of time a solution won’t come to you? Often it does. More often you realize that mountain of a problem was only a matter of perception, and now you perceive it as a molehill, hardly worth wringing your hands over.

Don’t get me wrong: I am all for taking action in response to life’s everyday problems. But I also have found that true serenity can be learned from the Bel Paese abitudine, of first determining if you want to, need to, or even can do something about a problem that has been making you miserable. Then realize that sometimes the best solution for an impossible situation is to accept it, let it go, and move yourself forward.

Family Traditions Mean Emotional Security

These days, change is happening fast. Banks are merging, companies downsizing, people relocating to where they can find work. In all of this confusion we can find an anchor of serenity if we look to that which is immutable: family rituals and traditions. On Xmas Eve I make fish as my great grandmothers did; when company stops in, I put on the machinetta for espresso and pull out the Sambuca, the way my mother used to. On my end tables sit delicately woven baskets that my zia Cristina once made by hand in the grain fields near Benevento, and on my walls hang artwork from my Calabrese artist ancestors. I didn’t invent these rituals and traditions; they were passed down to me through the generations, and I feel blessed to come from a cultural background that emphasizes preserving the “old ways”. Italy is a culture of tradition—from the yearly Venetian carnevale to the exodus from the cities on ferragosto. It is a culture of people who maintain the ritual of the afternoon caffe’ like their fathers and gread-grandmothers before them, and on Sunday, everyone still sits down to a leisurely afternoon pranzo, no matter what else is going on in the world.
If you’ve let the traditions of your ancestors fade away, now might be a good time to bring them back. Intergenerational rituals are not mindless rote activities that have no purpose. Tradition is about carrying on the rhythm of emotional security. There is calm and comfort in letting yourself be gently guided by generations who have paved the way before you . Human beings (especially in these times) crave and need security in various forms—financial, physical, and emotional. From newborn to elderly and all ages in between we feel safe when we establish meaningful routines, such as those our ancestors kept to. You don’t have to be of Italian heritage to explore (or start) family rituals and traditions. If you are unsure of your own familial traditions and want to see if they bring a measure of comfort to your emotional life, try asking an elderly aunt, or uncle, or see if a sister or brother can recall something about how your ancestors lived their lives. Look at old photos, or dig up some facts about the towns your grandparents grew up in to see what traditions were practiced in that time period and locale. It takes very little effort to reconnect to the heritage that anchors you, and the payoff can be big, in terms of your serenity.

The Power of a Bel Sorriso (smile)

Two years ago, I had the honor of taking part in the celebration of my new little cousin Carmine’s baptism in Castelpagano, Italy. At the restaurant after the ceremony, a local band played great Italian music from classic to modern ballads. I danced more Tarantellas than I had danced in my whole life and ate more aromatic lasagna than I dared ever eat between monthly weigh-ins. Oh, what splendid abandonment! But even more galvanizing than the music or the food was the charismatic smile of the 20-something lead singer Michele.

Michele, nurse by day and singer by night, skipped joyfully around the tables as he belted out powerful vocal melody, holding his microphone as if it were an aspergillum sprinkling holy water on the faithful. Then, directly gazing into the eyes of the guests, he flashed a sorriso (smile) that beamed energy into each of its recipients, reawakening them to the profound joy of feeling alive. Like Michele, we too have the power to draw people in and make them feel great to be around us, and that power lies in our own energetic smiles. The purity of a smile that has no agenda other than to communicate happiness has a power all its own. This simple pleasure is what the dolce vita is really about.

Remember this as you go through your day: Even when you don’t feel like smiling, just try it, and see how it can dramatically change not only your mood, but the energy of those around you.

The "Arrangiarsi" Mindset

We all know what the Italian philosophy of the arte d’arrangiarsi is, the characteristic bel paese approach to overcoming obstacles with the determination to get by, no matter what. That means when faced with adversity you find a way to go around it, take another route, or plough through it and somehow push yourself to move on. Life is about moving on, isn’t it? But did you know how this confident mindset of arrangiarsi actually contributes to psychological resiliency? There is a theory called “broaden and build”. It starts with the premise that negative (defeatist) and positive (can-do) emotions compliment and balance each other. Often, we have a full repertoire of negative emotions at the ready--emotions of sadness, distress, negativity, etc--- and we neglect to exercise the positive emotions that can balance our state of mind. Those positive emotions would include joy, contentment, and interest. We must make using these positive mental muscles more frequently if we want to be able to get by no matter what life hands us. Like anything else, the more you use them, the better they will work to help give us the mental resiliency we need to be able to bounce back from adversity. Being able to easily summon up positive emotions helps us actually regulate negative experiences. Which one of us hasn’t faced some kind of difficulty in ’08? I urge you to practice the confident mindset of arrangiarsi each and every day. It’s like putting money in the bank when you need it.