8 "Dolce Vita" Happiness Strategies You Can Learn

How happy are you on a scale from 1-10? You might be pleased to know that happiness is not something that just happens or doesn’t happen to us. Whether or not you have the good fortune to be wealthy--monetarily and socially--- and despite evidence of some predisposition towards our mood patterns, happiness researchers such as Michael Fordyce, etc, have found that engaging in behaviors that happy people do, will make us feel happier, too, despite our circumstances. So what is happiness? My definition is tied in to what my “dolce vita” model of the sweet life conveys: it is mastering the art of living well-- physically and emotionally... and being able to capture and savor the small joys that are woven throughout each day, which, perhaps were imperceptible to you previously.

Here are some of the best kept secrets I teach to my workshop students and life coaching clients (for a free sample life coaching telephone session: info@dolcevitaseminars.com). Feel free to see if they work for you, too.


1. Anchor Yourself with Rituals
Abraham Maslow wrote a lot about the human need for security. He did not only mean the obvious, like protecting ourselves from crime and having our finances in order, but also important is the rhythm of ritual that grounds us, and makes us feel safe in an unpredictable world. What are some healthy rituals you can weave into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines?

2. Stop Stress with Your Breath
The breath is a powerful tool for replenishing. It is like a mini vacation and an immediate stress –buster. Here is one of my favorite stress-busting breath patterns; one that I patterned after the wonderful material of integrative physician Dr Andrew Weil. It works and here is how to do it: Take 4 breaths in; hold for a count of 7 then take 8 counts to exhale through your mouth with the tongue on roof of mouth. Hear the whooshing sound it makes as you exhale. Repeat this 3-4 times. It is the next best thing to going to the Amalfi Coast.

3. Use the Thought Exchange

Did you know that 90% of worries never come true? And the ones that do come true are often beyond our control. Try this: make a list of things that make you smile, and whenever a worry comes to mind, write it down (tell yourself you can deal with it later but for now you’d like it out of your head), and substitute that negative thought with one of those positive, happy images. Make this a habit to become less a worrywart!

4. Be Physically Active

Physical activity, according to Fordyce is a wonderful antidote to a sullen mood. As he puts it “idleness is depression’s workshop”. Keep busy and engaged in the tasks at work and at home. Find ways to enjoy those activities, and in your free time, seek out activities that are fun for you. Being active is like making an investment in your life.

5. Get Organized
Most of us go thru life blindly. According to Fordyce, you get what you want when you know what you want. So get going and make a life plan. Set goals, long and short term, and give yourself a map through the journey of life.

6. Clean Up Your Relationships

First, I try to help my clients draw personal boundaries around, or eliminate toxic
relationships, so they no longer have the power to control them. Second, even with positive relationships it is always a good idea to lower your expectations, and realize that people are only human, with all of the flaws that we ourselves have. Cut the people you love some slack. Third, spend more time socializing, making friends, and also maintaining the friendships you have. This was a key point in my book “Living la Dolce Vita: Bring the Passion, Laughter, and Serenity of Italy into Your Daily Life” (http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/), and it is important to remember that while we all need time alone, too much time alone can induce the blues.

7. Keep a Self- Therapeutic Journal

Writing is a tool that can be used for self-knowledge, catharsis (blowing off steam), self-expression, and for eliminating worries. You can also use journaling as a very effective weight loss tool (see my Spring Shape Up Teleclass, starting on April 13th http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/). Any cheap spiral notebook will do the job, but these days, when self-esteem seems to be dwindling along with the economy, I advise something that would seem counterintuitive—go and buy yourself one of those beautiful hardbound blank books, as a symbol that your life is worth it. In that book write out your goals, your dreams, anything you want—but keep it in a private place so that you will feel free to express yourself.

8. Achieve Something

Everyone needs to feel good about something they’ve accomplished. Give all tasks meaning by making them worthy of your time. Whether at home or at work, do the best job you can, at whatever you do. The research has shown that happy people are productive and this gives their life purpose.

NEWS:
· SELF-HELP WRITING eBook AVAILABLE: If you’d like to become a published self-help writer, you can order my new eBook on http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/. There you will find all of the information you need to reach your writing goals, including samples of article and book proposals, exercises for developing your theme and idea, and much much more.
· SPRING SHAPE-UP TELECLASS! Do you seek a gentler way to shape up for Spring? Valerie Bertinelli isn’t the only one who can look great in a bikini! Why not join me from the comfort of your own home, for my six-week teleclass series, Mondays, starting on April 13th, 8-9:30PM EST. You can register at http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/

· FREE SAMPLE LIFE COACHING SESSION: Specializing in working with Italian Americans who want to reduce stress, save money, and live simply and more joyfully by reconnecting to the “dolce vita” principles of their heritage. To arrange for a time: info@dolcevitaseminars.com

Be Your Own "Amore"

From the poetry of Petrarcha to a scrumptious pannino, Italian style romance is multilayered—like the concentric circles that emerge after throwing a stone into a calm lake. At the center point should always be the love you give to yourself. From there your love can flow to others and out into the world and you will never feel like you are running on “empty.” As Giacomo Dacquinto wrote in his best selling Seduzione, l’arte di farsi amare, Seduction: The Art of Making Others Fall in Love With You, “Give to yourself first; then you will always have something to give others.” Pampering yourself in a way that increases your well-being (nota bene, this would not include downing an entire box of chocolates in one sitting), really does make you irresistible. When you treat yourself like you’re special, healthy relationships will float into you, without your having to seek them out. And when you have honored yourself first, you’ll be prepared to receive love and reciprocate. You don't have to wait until you're in a relationship in order to feel loved; instead declare yourself the recipient of some special treatment in advance: throw yourself a party, order a special meal, or indulge in a half hour of il dolce far niente. When you love yourself, it sends the world a message that you are also worth being loved by others.
---------
Visit www.dolcevitaseminars.com to find out how you can get a free sample life coaching session with the "Dolce Vita Doctor". You will also find my latest eBook on How to Write and Publish Self-Help Books and Articles--jam-packed with great useable information and examples.

Teleclass Announcement!

Need to calm down, save money, and enjoy life more despite stressful times? Take my 4-week teleclass from the comfort of your home. For more information http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/ click on Events & Workshops

The Power of One (The Dolce Vita Way to Lose Weight)

Do you remember your first cursive handwriting lesson as a kid? Chances are your teacher didn’t just put the alphabet in front of you and tell you to “go for it”. Instead, she had you begin with many repetitions of the letter “a” until writing that letter became second nature to you. Once you had it down pat, it became a motivating factor for wanting to make your “b” just as lovely. Personally, I could hardly wait to be able to write like the “big kids”, and so I made a heroic attempt to form all of my letters at once, in order to quickly get to the fluid part of writing. The result was maddening and frustrating. My letters were utterly illegible, and I ended up feeling like a complete failure. Fortunately, my second grade teacher, taught me that having the patience to perfect just a single letter of the alphabet before worrying about the others, would eventually start a chain reaction that made it easier to segue into the “b”, then the “c”, and so on. Before I knew it, I was there, and I have not had to start from square one since. The same thing is true with losing weight.

Losing weight, like learning to write in cursive, can be overwhelming if you think you have to learn all of the proper eating and exercising behaviors contemporaneously. You can’t suddenly expect to change years of improper eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle overnight, like rubbing on a magic genie lamp. Eventually you figure out there is no such thing as a genie that twitches her nose and transforms you into your slimmer alter ego. But here is an idea that is even better than having a personal genie, because you will learn to tap into the real genie within yourself. How do you get it to surface? You can start that chain reaction of weight loss success by selecting just ONE healthy behavior to work on at a time. Then go to the next. It doesn’t even have to be a major change. You could, for instance, simply increase your water intake by just one glass a day for the next couple of weeks. You will eventually perform this behavior effortlessly and naturally. When you see how easy that was, I promise you will be fired up for the next challenge. And then the next, and that is exactly how lifestyle behavior changes take hold. Are you ready to test the power of ONE for yourself? Here is how to start.

Begin by writing a list of ONES. Include all of the healthy dieting and exercise behaviors you think you need to work on, until they become second nature to you. Each list is individual, and you can jot down as many positive weight loss behaviors as you choose. Here are some ideas to get you started:

· One extra 20 minute walk on Saturdays
· One extra glass of water each day
· One less snack during the day each day
· One more serving of vegetables or fruit
· One 5-minute session of deep breathing in the morning
· One minute of positive affirmations at the beginning of each day
· One song on the radio each day, to which you dance freely
· One meal that includes low fat, healthy foods, each day.
· One less temptation hanging around in the refrigerator.
· One compliment that you give yourself without fail, each day.
· One minute of sit-ups before bed each night.
· One weigh-in a week to keep track of progress without obsessing
· One extra day a week of taking your vitamins, if it isn’t already a daily habit

Now choose a single behavior and don’t worry about the other ones on the list until you have mastered the one change you have targeted. Work on it for at least a couple of weeks, before beginning work on another one.
Notice how you feel once you have mastered each new positive habit. Notice how much more motivated you are to get right on to the next one.
Proceed this way until you have mastered your entire list. This is a satisfying, and very doable approach to weight loss, which inevitably snowballs from single behavioral changes, to an entire lifestyle overhaul.

My Power of One approach is a painless way to finally succeed at getting and staying fit. Give it a try and see if it works for you. Remember to center your energy on the behavior you have chosen for the day, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by other things you must do. Start with the “a” and before you know it you will be on “z” and everything will come together naturally. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “One today is worth two tomorrows”.

Letting Your Casa Mirror Your Spirit

“Disturbo O-s-s-e-s-s-i-v-o – C-o-m-p-u-l-s-i-v-o,” I once enunciated to my non-psychologist Amalfitana friend Graziella to explain obsessive compulsive disorder. This, after discovering that I could see my reflection in the highly polished finish of her floors.

“You can read a person’s heart by the way they keep house,” she replied calmly as we sat in her large airy villa overlooking the placid gulf of Salerno. We had been discussing a headline in the Corriere della Sera: Italy Beats U.S. 21-4. That wasn’t the latest soccer score, but instead the results of a recent market research survey, reflecting the number of hours Italian versus American women dedicate to maintaining their homes each week. While most Americans, myself included, might consider the hours Italian women spend cleaning excessive, Italians say that when you cherish your home, you cherish yourself. When you’re feeling good, you pretty up your home; when you’re feeling down, a pretty home lifts you up. “It doesn’t take a lot of euro to clear out clutter, polish floors, or tastefully decorate,” Graziella told me.

The interiors of all Italian homes, from tiny apartment to sprawling villa, whether ornately Mediterranean or modern minimalist, are united by one common denominator: uncluttered loving care. A well-groomed home nurtures all who enter with serenity, aesthetic pleasure, and inviting warmth. Italian decorators know that color matters, too. Choose brighter colors if you want a stimulating atmosphere or darker colors for a more calming effect. Graziella picked warm salmon for her walls, terracotta for the floors, and overstuffed cream leather upholstery to soften the angular spaciousness. Each piece served a dual purpose of functionality and beautification. Bowls of spiced potpourri blended a baked-goods aroma with the salty ocean air flowing in from the windows. Sitting here felt like paradise and impressed on me the power of a room to comfort, nurture, relax, or renew. It is all in how you arrange it, decorate it, and yes -- care for it. Graziella’s advice for making home where the heart is?

“Weave love into every room of your house. Think of your castle as the canvas upon which you paint a beautiful life.”

The "Che ci posso fare" Way of Letting Go

I’ve seen Marianna, Rosaria, Concetta, Nerio, Nunzio, Mario, and countless other Italian friends and relatives do it: I am referring to the unmistakable ability to size up a problem al volo, on the fly, and decide whether there is anything to be done about it or not. If yes, then a creative or practical solution is put into effect without fanfare. If no -- then, like the Serenity Prayer that counsels us to accept that which we cannot change -- there is an almost imperceptible shrug of the shoulders, elbows bent, palms facing upward as the sacrosanct phrase of absolution is uttered: che ci posso fare, loosely translated as “what are you going to do?”

As a kid growing up, I didn’t understand how this wise phrase reflected a mental turning point that allows you to put an impossible worry behind you and get back to the business of enjoying life. Who’s to say that with the passage of time a solution won’t come to you? Often it does. More often you realize that mountain of a problem was only a matter of perception, and now you perceive it as a molehill, hardly worth wringing your hands over.

Don’t get me wrong: I am all for taking action in response to life’s everyday problems. But I also have found that true serenity can be learned from the Bel Paese abitudine, of first determining if you want to, need to, or even can do something about a problem that has been making you miserable. Then realize that sometimes the best solution for an impossible situation is to accept it, let it go, and move yourself forward.

Family Traditions Mean Emotional Security

These days, change is happening fast. Banks are merging, companies downsizing, people relocating to where they can find work. In all of this confusion we can find an anchor of serenity if we look to that which is immutable: family rituals and traditions. On Xmas Eve I make fish as my great grandmothers did; when company stops in, I put on the machinetta for espresso and pull out the Sambuca, the way my mother used to. On my end tables sit delicately woven baskets that my zia Cristina once made by hand in the grain fields near Benevento, and on my walls hang artwork from my Calabrese artist ancestors. I didn’t invent these rituals and traditions; they were passed down to me through the generations, and I feel blessed to come from a cultural background that emphasizes preserving the “old ways”. Italy is a culture of tradition—from the yearly Venetian carnevale to the exodus from the cities on ferragosto. It is a culture of people who maintain the ritual of the afternoon caffe’ like their fathers and gread-grandmothers before them, and on Sunday, everyone still sits down to a leisurely afternoon pranzo, no matter what else is going on in the world.
If you’ve let the traditions of your ancestors fade away, now might be a good time to bring them back. Intergenerational rituals are not mindless rote activities that have no purpose. Tradition is about carrying on the rhythm of emotional security. There is calm and comfort in letting yourself be gently guided by generations who have paved the way before you . Human beings (especially in these times) crave and need security in various forms—financial, physical, and emotional. From newborn to elderly and all ages in between we feel safe when we establish meaningful routines, such as those our ancestors kept to. You don’t have to be of Italian heritage to explore (or start) family rituals and traditions. If you are unsure of your own familial traditions and want to see if they bring a measure of comfort to your emotional life, try asking an elderly aunt, or uncle, or see if a sister or brother can recall something about how your ancestors lived their lives. Look at old photos, or dig up some facts about the towns your grandparents grew up in to see what traditions were practiced in that time period and locale. It takes very little effort to reconnect to the heritage that anchors you, and the payoff can be big, in terms of your serenity.

The Power of a Bel Sorriso (smile)

Two years ago, I had the honor of taking part in the celebration of my new little cousin Carmine’s baptism in Castelpagano, Italy. At the restaurant after the ceremony, a local band played great Italian music from classic to modern ballads. I danced more Tarantellas than I had danced in my whole life and ate more aromatic lasagna than I dared ever eat between monthly weigh-ins. Oh, what splendid abandonment! But even more galvanizing than the music or the food was the charismatic smile of the 20-something lead singer Michele.

Michele, nurse by day and singer by night, skipped joyfully around the tables as he belted out powerful vocal melody, holding his microphone as if it were an aspergillum sprinkling holy water on the faithful. Then, directly gazing into the eyes of the guests, he flashed a sorriso (smile) that beamed energy into each of its recipients, reawakening them to the profound joy of feeling alive. Like Michele, we too have the power to draw people in and make them feel great to be around us, and that power lies in our own energetic smiles. The purity of a smile that has no agenda other than to communicate happiness has a power all its own. This simple pleasure is what the dolce vita is really about.

Remember this as you go through your day: Even when you don’t feel like smiling, just try it, and see how it can dramatically change not only your mood, but the energy of those around you.

The "Arrangiarsi" Mindset

We all know what the Italian philosophy of the arte d’arrangiarsi is, the characteristic bel paese approach to overcoming obstacles with the determination to get by, no matter what. That means when faced with adversity you find a way to go around it, take another route, or plough through it and somehow push yourself to move on. Life is about moving on, isn’t it? But did you know how this confident mindset of arrangiarsi actually contributes to psychological resiliency? There is a theory called “broaden and build”. It starts with the premise that negative (defeatist) and positive (can-do) emotions compliment and balance each other. Often, we have a full repertoire of negative emotions at the ready--emotions of sadness, distress, negativity, etc--- and we neglect to exercise the positive emotions that can balance our state of mind. Those positive emotions would include joy, contentment, and interest. We must make using these positive mental muscles more frequently if we want to be able to get by no matter what life hands us. Like anything else, the more you use them, the better they will work to help give us the mental resiliency we need to be able to bounce back from adversity. Being able to easily summon up positive emotions helps us actually regulate negative experiences. Which one of us hasn’t faced some kind of difficulty in ’08? I urge you to practice the confident mindset of arrangiarsi each and every day. It’s like putting money in the bank when you need it.

5 Secrets for a "Dolce Vita" Even if the Rest of the World is in Chaos

The "dolce vita" model I use to coach my clients is rooted in ancient Italian lifestyle habits, which the field of psychology has verified as a means to physical and emotional well-being. Most people come to me seeking a lifestyle makeover. A fresh new start, where all of the complications and entanglements of excessive overdrawn living, give way to a pure, authentic way of being. Wouldn't you like to be able to feel the joy of the little things again, and melt your worries until they dissapate into thin air? I can help . Here are five ways to start your journey, and if you'd like a mentor, write to set up a free 1/2 hour laser coaching session to get a taste of whether life coaching is for you. Info@dolcevitaseminars.com. Now let's take this step by step:
Step 1: Pare down to basics. Examine your bills and call companies to remove the extra services you don't need. Examine your wardrobe and sell or donate what you haven't worn for a year or more. Learn to say "no" so you can simplify your daily schedule. finally, cut "noisy thoughts" from your mind by substituing with long deep breaths.
Step 2: Cut out excess! We don't need 3 vacations a year, or to go to restaurants several times a week. You can save money by forgoing last minute items at the supermarket, and opting for freebies--like walking instead of going to the gym for exercise; brown-bagging it instead of buying lunch from the cafeteria.
Step 3: Keep your life balanced. Chaos comes from being overwhelmed with "to do " lists. 'Remember there is a time for work, and a time for play. Make sure your social relationships are healthy and positive, and that you also devote a certain amount of time to your spiritual nature.
Step 4: Use the One-Happiness-a-Day Rule: Make a list of things that make you smile. Then make sure you do one every day. Go out for coffee with your best friend; take a hot celtic salt bath with a few drops of lavender added to the water; work on a project you're good at so that you feel a sense of accomplishment.
Step 5. Project a Positive Energy. While most people are running around scared and confused, you be the one who keeps calm and draws like energy to you. No one wants to be around someone who is always complaining, crying, or expressing negativity. That only makes people more frightened than they are and they will try to avoid you, not hire you, not want to go out with you. Honestly, who could blame them?

Simplicity, modest living, and balance, are key to living a "dolce vita" in a world-gone-mad. And don't forget to take real joy in every small pleasure God graces your day with.

Step Back and See the Mosaico

In wealthier ancient Roman homes, the floors of the vestibulum (the long narrow hallway) leading from the front door to the atrium would be covered with brilliant mosaic art. At short range the complexity of colors, shapes, and materials of a mosaico mesmerize us---the sparkling marble, the brilliant lapis, malachite, turquoise, mother-of-pearl, or colored glass. From close-up we may even notice flaws in the individual pieces. But those imperfections fade away as soon as we step back into the magic of the emergent image. Now a unified picture appears whose beauty transcends all tiny imperfections. The crafting of a Roman mosaic conveys a story of love, patience and the harmonious coexistence among many unique pieces—just like the living mosaic of a human life. None of us can be defined by just one material, one color, or one shape. Instead as individuals we encompass a variety of traits, behaviors, habits, and preferences, each with our share of tiny flaws and imperfections. Tolerance is what happens when we are able to step back and consider the entire person as a whole. How many times have we judged others—or ourselves-- on the basis of one flaw, one mistake, or one misunderstanding? How many times have we focused on a single insignificant imperfection, which, when given the whole picture, isn’t really important after all? We all need to remind ourselves now and then to step back see the whole mosaico, and give others---and ourselves—a much needed break!

Get Rid of Excess Living

In the days of my immigrant grandparents, there was no such thing as "waste". If you only used half a paper towel, you folded it in half, tore it apart, and saved the rest for the next time. We have gotten so far away from that mentality, we have literally drowned ourselves in excessive living, and now it is up to us to throw ourselves a lifeline to get out of this mess. Have you been buying things that you realize you already have at home? Have you taken a good look at your bills to see if there is any extra "padding" in them, or services you don't use? Have you been going out to dinner with friends for fear you'll be left out if you would rather eat home and save money? These are all signs of Excess Living. The beauty is, once you weed the excess out, a beautify clarity comes into focus. It is like putting the plug in a bathtub filled with your energy--financial and emotional. You don't want your energy to be all drained away . You'll find you don't need excess, and that with simplicity comes tranquility.

Welcome! Benvenuti

Welcome to my new blog . I hope to fill this space with lots of personal development articles that will help you live your life with balance and simplicity. Many of my posts will be based on techniques that I have learned through my 20 years of teaching psychology, but I will also include the tips that promote well-being, based on lifestyle tips of the Bel Paese. There are so many wonderful, effective ways to live well in these tough economic times. Ways to reduce stress, save money, and become more focused and skilled in the face of our challenges. This blog is meant to be educational, it is not psychotherapy. As a life coach and personal development consultant I hope to present information that will help you to be all you were meant to be.