Turn Negative Automatic Thoughts Around for a Dolce Vita

Yesterday, as I was trying to carry too many groceries from my car to the house, the carton of eggs fell on the ground and smashed. My first reaction was sadness and disappointment. It was money down the drain in an economy in which few of us can afford to waste; I would not have eggs for my son's breakfast; I would have to clean up that mess on the garage floor and pray that rodents didn't' have at it first, etc. I carefully put the lid back over the smashed eggs and brought the carton into the house. Suddenly I decided to take a deep breath and think of what good might come of this situation. Indeed, as I picked up each egg to check, at least six of them were still intact, and several of the others had cracked inside of the carton--where I was able to pour out their liquid and scramble them up in a pan for my dog's breakfast per non spreccare nulla (so nothing goes to waste).

One of the most common errors in thinking style is the automatic negative thought process; something which creeps up on us suddenly and colors our mood even before we realize it. But when you look at the "evidence", the cold hard facts, things are rarely as awful as they seem to be, or as we expect them to be at first glance.

Today I challenge you to see "beyond" the discouraging surface to what really is---and look for the beauty in what remains. This is the way to a dolce vita , a sweet life.

If you feel this message is useful to someone, feel free to pass it on, as long as you give proper credit (below)
Your Life Coach,
Raeleen Mautner, Ph.D. www.dolcevitaseminars.com or www.raeleenmautner.com

Make la Domenica Special

When I was a kid, you could always tell it was Sunday (domenica). We would wake up to the smell of un bel caffe', have a special bakery brioche, and head off to Church. We would arrive home to the aroma of rich tomato sauce and meatballs sauteing on the stove--and if we were lucky, we were allowed to dunk a piece of crusty bread into the sauce, as long as we didn't eat so much that it would ruin our appetite for Sunday dinner.

Your Sunday customs might be similar, or entirely different from mine. That is okay. But whatever they are--or were--I urge you to renew them or start a new tradition that will set your Sunday apart from the rest of the week. When you make your Sunday special it becomes a marker--a signal--that a fresh new week (with problems of the week gone by a mere memory)--is about to begin. A week of new hope, joy, possibility.

So enjoy your Sunday. Make it special. Turn on some music. Rest. Worship. Meditate. Whatever you don't get a chance to do during your hectic week. Do it today. Then start Monday as if it were the first day of the rest of your life. Because it is.

a presto!
Raeleen

Passeggiata (Stroll) Therapy to Bust Through Worries

Today I stopped everything to take in a breath of fresh air. A lovely stroll (or what we call la passeggiata) through the city with my shih tzu, Bella, and one of my dearest friends. Great conversation and a coffee break ideal for people watching at an outdoor cafe'.

When I got back, all of my tasks were still waiting for me. Nothing had been so urgent that it wouldn't wait, and life was just a little more "dolce" for having taken time to replenish ME.

I urge you to take an impromptu therapeutic stroll, whenever you are in need of a lift. Life will seem different, easier, more joyful, upon your return.

What are YOU worried about in this economy? Post a comment below, and let me know what works for you to bring you back to well-being.

Change Something, ANYTHING, if you want to Reduce Stress!

Recently I have had the privilege of teaching stress reduction as part of a cardiac study being conducted at Yale. The protocol draws from solid research in the area of cognitive behavioral therapy, which tells us that changing any of the following: the stress-inducing situation (if possible); the automatic stressful thought that pops into our minds; the negative emotion, or our body's response to a stress-------will reduce stress. You don't have to change all of these at once in order to regain a peaceful, healthy state of functioning. One will do nicely, thank you. You can change the way you look at a situation, concentrate on positive emotions, deep breathe to relax the body. All of these tools are wonderful ways to maintain inner serenity in times of turmoil. Then of course, you might want to read my next column for the Italian Tribune--and see why taking time to notice a rainbow works well, too, in improving the quality of life.

How do YOU reduce stress? Or don't you? Let me know by posting your comments below.

Till next time.. a presto!
RAeleen

The Word Diet

Parole, parole, parole. Most of us use way too much verbiage; often just to hear ourselves talk. We throw words into a conversation that have no meaning ("well"; "you see", "ehm"), or bad meaning (like gossip, where acid words about others do nothing but sell us out in the long run)

What would happen if you made a decision to cut your verbal output by 1/3 by getting rid of excess and negative talk? You would then learn to rely more on eye contact, observation of others' actions and body language--and above all, you would make sure that whatever you said was productive, encouraging, positive, and kind.

So let's beautify our verbal output from here on it. Use it for Truth, Light, Insight, and Wisdom. You ARE your word, so let all of what you say reflect your goodness.

How to Flirt, Italian-Style

From Rome to Catanzarro, flirting is an effortless and graceful art in the Meridionale, Southern Italy. Or in the North, your Amore might take you to the Eurochocolate festival in Perugia, where he will hold a dark chocolate baci between his lips and invite you to help him melt it with his kiss. Italian men and women are not ashamed to artfully appreciate each other with their eyes. Seduction all’italiana is gentle and enjoyable; not aggressive, or invasive. It is a reciprocal dance of possibility. You may notice a slight gleam to the eye, a barely perceptible smile at the corner of the lips, an appreciative turn of the head to follow a slow saunter down a long corridor. Italians see nothing shameful or unnatural about finding ways to make the heart flutter. Amore, after all, is what makes the world go 'round.

NEW LOVE GROUP FORMING! If you are looking for ways to attract love into your life--- dolce vita style--then sign up for the next group telecoaching series: AMORE! HOW TO FIND, KEEP, OR START ALL OVER IN LOVE. To put your
name on the waiting list for a Thursday evening weekly series, write Info@dolcevitaseminars.com with the words "love coaching" in the subject line.

Perfect Happiness is a Moment Away

Having studied the dolce vita lifestyle habits for many years, my conclusion is that people who say perfect happiness doesn't exist are just WRONG. To me, happiness is in the worry-free zone of the present moment.

The reason that time seems to stand still in the Bel Paese, is that there is a natural tendency to linger fully immersed in each moment before one lets it pass by. The focus is on the immediate--and nothing behind or ahead of it.

When you ask nothing more of yourself than to focus on what you are doing right now right here, you will finally discover the gift of freedom. Freedom from worry about your past, or about what will happen to you in the future. Each moment, when lived fully IS perfect happiness. Full immersion living will pull you out of emotional pain and into emotional relief. NOW is that wonderful moment in time in which you can just BE.

As you read this blog post you are neither ruminating over your past, nor fearful about your tomorrow. You are simply thinking about what you are reading, right? Nothing more. Nothing less. Happiness is really simple, isn't it? All you need do is consider the moment.

Make Today a Day of Favorites!

Living a "Dolce Vita" or sweet life is about creating and celebrating as many moments of joy as you can squeeze from a day. One way to start is by making a long list of your FAVORITES:

• song,
• meal,
• beverage,
• friend,
• outfit,
• TV show,
• poem,
• book,
• fragrance,
• sport
• etc.

NOW, fill your day with as many of these as you can. The more the better. Immersing yourself in favorites is like treating yourself to a day of celebration and abundance, and it won't cost you a cent. Get into the "favorites" habit each day and you will clear out mental negativity to make room for a life that fulfills you on every level. It is about honoring YOU.

If you'd like a free sample life coaching session to get you on your way to a dolce vita of your dreams, write info@dolcevitaseminars.com

Give Your Talent (and Love) Away!

One of my most treasured gifts is a sapphire-blue shawl that my zia Elizabetta (I call her "mammina") crocheted for me with her two little hands. Another are the two baskets that my almost 90-year old zia Cristina wove for me from the dried leaves of the wheat plants in the fields that she farms (even now at this age, she weaves beautiful baskets without eyeglasses!).

I don't know how hand-made gifts came to lose value in our eyes next to factory-made store bought replicas of each other, but somehow this sadly happened, and it is up to all of us to bring back the value and appreciation of making or receiving something made with a persons energy, time, thoughtfulness, and love.

Whatever your talents are (writing poetry, pet care, painting, playing a musical instrument, baking. knitting, etc), list some ways you can turn them into gifts of love for the people you care about. You don't have to wait for a holiday to do this. Value the time and thought you put into this expression of your soul, and when others give you gifts that express their own spirit, honor it and thank them graciously.

In this economy homespun gifts save money and convey a warmth far greater than something made in an impersonal factory line.

The dolce vita way of life is all about going back to simple and authentic. Express who you are through the fruition of your unique talents. You will find that your light in this world shines a little bit brighter, each time, and will put a smile on many an appreciative face.

Need a little help in living a life of simplicity, balance, and fulfillment? Tell the Dolce Vita Life Coach about your dreams and goals, so we can come up with a plan to make them a reality. www.dolcevitaseminars.com

NEW: Teleclass for job-seeking skills starting soon! www.dolcevitaseminars.com Click on Get Job Teleclass.

3 Dolce Vita Tips for GETTING HIRED!

I know how frustrating it can be to send out resume’ after resume’ to no avail; but instead of giving up, try making yourself stand out from the crowd by following these “sweet life’ tips:

1. Be respectfully persistent. Begin by bookmarking your favorite job sites—websites that announce jobs in your field, or the type of job you want to have. Now make sure you answer at least one ad every day, which fits with your skills, abilities, and interests. After a week or so, drop an email or give a follow-up call. Be courteous, not desperate. If the employer has still not made a decision, ask if and when you may follow up again. Your conscientiousness and respectfulness will be appreciated and remembered—even if you don’t get the job with them this time around.

2. Clean up your resume’. Remember, when employers see a cluttered resume (filled with bits and pieces of accomplishments and experience that have nothing to do with the job announcement), they associate YOU with disorganization. Here is a great resume’ tip. Bounce off of the job announcement itself. Use some of the same words as the duties and skill requirements of the job announcement itself. Of course, you must tell the truth and really possess these skills, but if you do, use the same language to express them that the employer has expressed in the ad

3. Mirror yourself confident. Get in front of your mirror and check out your appearance, the way you carry yourself, the way you talk. Now smile into the mirror to get the right attitude and refine all of it from square one. Go put on something that makes you feel good and look great. Practice standing tall and worthy. Talk with a full voice at the right volume and pace.

NEW TELESEMINAR!! If you’d like even more focused job-seeking strategies, join me for my 2-hour GET THAT JOB! : Job-Seekers’ Teleseminar.
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Believe in Yourself!

Social psychologist Albert Bandura wrote: “People who regard themselves as highly efficacious act, think, and feel differently from those who perceive themselves as inefficacious. They produce their own future, rather than simply foretell it.”
What does this mean to you? It means that when you approach your goals with confidence, you are more likely to succeed in reaching them. You will be more motivated, more persistent (think: Thomas Edison and how many filaments it took before he finally invented the light bulb!), and more likely to get up and start over when you hit a wall.
Now I am not talking about being confident about reaching unrealistic goals. I, for instance, no matter how confident I tell myself I am at becoming a concert pianist, will most likely never be one---because I haven’t played seriously in 30 years! But what about the goals you do have the skills for, but just lack the confidence you need to pursue them? Here are four ways to increase your “self-efficacy”, your confidence in succeeding at the specific tasks you need to do to reach your goals:

1) Think back to times in which you DID succeed at similar tasks. Bandura calls these “mastery experiences”. Just recalling them, and remembering how you did it, will increase your motivation and persistence to continue at the task at hand.

2) Observe someone similar to you, who is doing what you aspire to do. If not a live person, then read an inspiring biography, like Anthony Robbins used to do, to get himself motivated and in a “can do” mindset.

3)Find people who will verbally encourage you. We all have enough naysayers around us. Now look for the “yeahs”! People who believe in you and tell you so. They are like a social net of support and strength and definitely the kind of people you want to fill your inner circle with.

4) Keep calm and yet just excited enough to get “juiced up”, that is, have the energy to work hard, sacrifice, roll up your sleeves and give it the elbow grease that will get the task done

Remember , believing in yourself should be based in a realistic skill set, and the self-knowledge that you know how to set yourself apart from the crowd, by being persistent and motivated to go to the finish line. Now go and achieve the dolce vita (sweet life) that you deserve! And if you’d like a little guidance, a little verbal support and encouragement ,just drop The Dolce Vita Life Coach a line at info@dolcevitaseminars.com for a free 30-minute strategy session, to see how we might work as a team.

7 Keys to Success

No matter what else is going on in the world, these principles will keep you on track--all the way to realizing your goals.

1. Balance Your Life. A balanced life is like a net of support. When one area is broken you have the others to hold you up until you can fix it. Don't give your focus to just one thing. Pay attention to ALL of your needs. Good food and exercise, saving/earning enough money to pay your living expenses, feeling good about yourself, nurturing loving relationships, and spirituality.

2. Find a Mentor/Be a Mentor. Find someone who is similar to you (your background, situation, goals, etc) who has done what you hope to do. Ask them to mentor you, to share suggestions. Be willing to pay their fee if they are a professional who does what you are asking about for a living.
Share what you know with others, too. One of my favorite experiences was tutoring inner city kids after school when I was in high school. They couldn't wait for me to come each day and that made me feel important and valuable. Remember that helping out is a win/win situation.

3. Build emotional and physical muscle. Practice controlling your emotions by focusing on positive, not negative thoughts. Anger and stress can kill--and they do. Instead, write out your anger on a piece of paper, then rip it up and let it go. There is always something you can appreciate, and that state of appreciation will even change your heart rhythm.
Physical muscle is important, too. Make sure you get the activity you need everyday, including aerobic and weight bearing exercise. Staying healthy is key for achieving your goals more easily. It is also about appreciating the body you were given.

4. Acquire the Resources and Tools you need to succeed. Go to the library and take out books that are relevant to your goals. Take out biographies that will inspire and motivate you. Ask experts for recommendations as to how to do something you aspire to do. Resources are all around. Often we expect to reach a goal without acquiring the necessary skills and training to attain it. Get what you need and be confident you can succeed.

5. Develop a Strategy/Plan. Just "wishing" that your dreams will come true will not make it so. Plan out what you will do, step by step to actually make those dreams HAPPEN. Make them concrete and take a small step each day toward them.

6. Accept Life's Seasons. Just as a beautiful life-filled spring always comes on the heels of even the most frozen winter, you are surely going to experience ups and downs in life as we all do. Just remember how you got through the last winter or tough time in your life. You will then have the confidence to know you can do the same in the hard time you are facing right now. confidence. You CAN get through anything!

7. Get Clear on Your Values. What is it that is really important to your life right now? List those things and find ways to nurture them for as long as possible. Then clarify what in your life doesnt' serve you anymore. Come up with ways to eliminate those elements. Finally, write your goals--long and short term, for what you really DO want in your life that you don't have right now.

As always, life coaching can be a valuable tool and resource for you in putting these principles to work. Sample a free session with me by dropping me a line at info@dolcevitaseminars.com Let me know what your goals are, and what the obstacles are that keep you from them.

Also, please mark this blog as a favorite, and my radio show at blog talk radio (dolce vita coach)! Hope you enjoy the episodes.

Today, Let the Focus be YOU

Nonna Giuseppina’s life centered on the small pleasures of gardening, cooking, and loving her family. And when it came time to go into town she put on her most elegant dress, hat and gloves, and pulled out her best lipstick to make a “bella figura”. Indeed she was proud of herself and held her head high. She always watched what she ate, spoke what she felt, took care of her family, and above all, enjoyed herself every day.
Being of service to others is privilege and a gift, but often we neglect ourselves in such a way as to diminish our self-esteem and keep ourselves from thriving. How? Every time you pass up the exercise, eat junk food, or feed yourself junky-thoughts, it is like taking your most treasured plant and throwing it in the basement, where it will get neither food, nor water, nor light. Every time you let someone else tell you what is best for you, take advantage of you, or internalize someone else’s mean spiritedness, it is like doubling the punishment toward yourself. You were not put on this earth to wallow in self-deprecation.
The Truth is, YOU must be the defender of your own potential. When you need comfort, give yourself comfort with life-affirming self-talk. When you need protection, put an imaginary shield around yourself to block out negativity. When you need to get into shape, cut out the sugar and start walking so as to improve your health and to live a better life. When you’re feeling gloomy about how you look, strip off the sweats and get something out of the closet that will make you feel like royalty. Who cares if you’re only going to walk the dog? Today, I want the focus to be YOU. Do what it takes to celebrate the extraordinary being that you are.

If you need some help giving birth to a new YOU, I encourage you to join me for an individual or group life coaching experience. Drop me a line, and let me know what is keeping you from being all you know you can be. It is time to clarify, focus, and get yourself back on track. You deserve it. info@dolcevitaseminars.com www.dolcevitaseminars.com

Love to Enjoy Life

From the Barbarian invasions in the early 5th century to the Italian wars which started out with French domination and ultimately ended in Spanish rule, Italy and her people are no strangers to the importance of unification as a means to survive. The Risorgimento, or Italian Unification, is really symbolic of the social unification of the everyday people of the Bel Paese. The core fibers of Italy's societal fabric are made of the strongest filament of all--AMORE. The people of our favorite boot-shaped peninsula love God, their partners, their children, their friends,their food, their art--no surprise here--but most of all---they are deeply and profoundly in love with life. This is what elevates the mundane to a level of sanctity. Love is as necessary to Italian life as the air Italy's people breathe. Amore is what makes each moment a celebration. And the psychological research shows that the power of love is no myth, and it is definitely not just reserved for those in Italia.
Think: What and who do you love today? Make a list right now, as soon as you are done reading this post. Then fold the list and keep it in your pocket, to be carried around with you and unfolded many times throughout the day. You will go to bed tonight feeling rich, happy, and serene. If that isn't dolce vita, what is?

Cuore Mio, Heart of Mine

From the time I was a little girl my grandfather referred to me as "Cuore Mio", my heart. Of course, part of the problem was that he found my "American" name (Raeleen) difficult to pronounce. But Cuore Mio was just fine with me. The heart, after all, is the generator of the body. A peaceful heart produces chemicals that neutralize the stress hormone cortisol, and keep our emotions and body strong. Recently I came across a wonderful technique to keep the heart in a peaceful place and help our parasympathetic nervous system to shut down an over active fight or flight response when we are stressed, anxious, sad, or angry--all of those emotions if left unchecked, can sicken and even kill the body. The "dolce vita" technique, is appreciation. An appreciative heart has a different rhythm than does a fretful heart. And even when standing before our most difficult challenges and losses, we can still take a moment to close our eyes and fill our mind with the picture of something we have in our lives right now that we truly appreciate. It can be your dog, the flowering bush outside your window, a friend who just said something wonderful to you...or the fact that you were given the gift of another day to live. Appreciate, and let your heart spread the peace. If you'd like some help doing that, just contact me at info@dolcevitaseminars.com . Or find some great life coaching packages on my website: www.dolcevitaseminars.com
Till next time, Cuore Mio.

Felice Felice Felice....To Be Alive!

Flipping through the pages of The Italian Tribune, for whom I write a weekly column, my eyes became riveted to an enchanting photo of a vibrantly smiling centenarian. Rita Levi Montalcini is not your ordinary 100-year old Italian. Still very much an active contributor to the world in which she lives, Dr Montalcini is a medical doctor, a Nobel Prize-winning researcher, and she is still going strong. She attributes her rich full life to two attributes that we could all stand to adopt, especially during times we’re convinced that life couldn’t get any worse for us:

1. Feel happy to be alive; and
2. Be of service to others.

That’s the recipe that the distinguished Dottoressa has been cooking up and nurturing her soul with since 1909. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you consider it as your new recipe for a long and healthy life, too.

LAST CALL and BONUS when you sign up for my TURNING POINT TELECLASS, starting April 30th! Join me this week and every Thursday evening through June 4th for a personal development class you will never forget. Solid, hands-on information that you can use to:

• clarify your new direction
• appreciate each day for the energy of its gifts
• break the gravitational pull of negative events
• make a plan for renewal based on what matters to you most

Everyone that registers (http://dolcevitaseminars.com/_wsn/page7.html) will get a free, signed copy of the book that started it all "Living la Dolce Vita". Filled with inspiration and self-help ideas to make your life seem like a bel paese haven.

The Allure of Confidence

From as early as his teen years, Giuseppe Mazzini (1805-1872) had a vision of independence and unity for his country, and for the liberation of all oppressed people. This courageous leader of the Italian Risorgimento (unification) worked feverishly towards this goal for his entire life. Despite setbacks, he never wavered in his conviction, but kept moving steadily toward it. People were drawn to his confidence like flies are to honey. That inspiration was what powered his success. When you exude confidence others crave your company, because it boosts their energy, too. Confidence is contagious because it feeds the human hunger to believe in oneself. We need to be models of confidence now, more than ever—for our children, our friends and coworkers, and most of all for ourselves, so we can stay motivated to succeed in tough times. One of the most important techniques for gaining confidence is to become really good at something you’ve never tried before. Start out small, with a baby-step commitment to a brand new project you think you’d love to do, but have been putting off because of fear of failure. When I decided to write a book I never thought I’d be able to complete it, let alone publish it. But I started small. With just an outline of the ideas I wanted to include. Then a paragraph. Then a page. Completion of the book was my idea of success. Others define success in their own way. Remember that it is your own voice that counts. The more you learn to follow it, the more confident you will be, and the more you will inspire others.

Serenity Supper Recipe

We all need a break when it comes to slaving over a hot stove, but the one thing we should never break from are healthy eating habits, because they are what sustain us physically and emotionally. What if suppertime could bring all of the mind-body benefits of an Italian vacation, at a fraction of the cost and without any of the jetlag? And what if, in addition to feeding your body well, you can also feed your heart and soul at the same time? Here is the recipe for instant serenity, all’italiana: One hunk of crusty bread, one wedge of creamy parmesan or sharp provolone, one vine ripened tomato, and a glass of red wine. If this combination alone doesn’t send you to straight to Paradise, then adding an amica or two will definitely seal the deal, especially if you throw in a bit of Pavarotti in the background. So what are you having for supper tonight? Andiamo a cenare!
--
Is your life out of balance and too heavy with worry, stress, and are you short-changing the areas that can bring real fulfillment and bliss? Let me help you to live a dolce vita, despite tough economic times. Go to www.dolcevitaseminars.com and click on "life coaching" to see my special recession discounts. You can also follow me on twitter! Search for Raeleen Mautner and get an update each day.

Be Kind, Stay Strong

When I called numerous relatives in Italy to inform them of my recent loss of a loved one, they cried so hard over the phone that I practically ended up consoling them. Their empathy and compassion comforted me in a way that little else could. Researchers, such as David McLelland, have found that empathy and kindness are healing gifts --both for the giver and the receiver--that actually create changes in the immune response. Even watching acts of kindness on film had the effect of strengthening the immune system for up to an hour after the film was over. Today, I’d like you to fill your day with kindness in three ways:
1.Perform at least one kind act for someone who doesn’t expect it.
2. To the extent that you can, don’t interact with people who are unkind to you.
3. Make your TV and film choices be “feel-good” activities, and avoid themes that contain violence.

Do you need to break through some obstacle in your life? I am offering deep discounts on my 20/20 Breakthrough Solution, and my Recession Stimulus Life Coaching packages. Go to www.dolcevitaseminars.com and click on Life Coaching.

Looking Good: A Remedy for Tough Times

Call me shallow if you must but I stand united with my Italian sisters and brothers in affirming the importance of the bella figura---your birthright to look good. Taking care of your looks, as it turns out, goes beyond mere vanity. Researchers have found that attractive people are seen as more confident—and that translates into a greater likelihood of getting hired, starting a new job at higher wages, or even getting that promotion you had your hopes on. One of the quickest, cheapest, and most effective ways to initiate your own beauty Renaissance is with a drop or two of what epic poet Homer referred to as “liquid gold”. Of course, I am referring to olive oil. Pure, replenishing, fragrant olive oil. Mix a drop in your palm with some sugar to form a delightful facial scrub. Put a few drops into your shampoo, or rub a dab between your palms and apply to styled, dry hair. For your complexion use olive oil alone on clean skin at before bed (it absorbs in nicely) or mix a drop or two with your favorite day cream, adding a touch more around the eyes. When you pamper yourself with a daily beauty routine you will look better, feel better—and even increase your chances of attracting love. Olive oil is an ancient beauty secret that has definitely stood the test of time, as evidenced in the drawings on the inside of tombs and on pottery dating back to the Etruscans, and the ancient Greeks and Romans. So forget emptying the last of your savings on exotic spa getaways. All you have to do is go to your cabinet right now, pull out that bottle of extra virgin olive oil, and experience the luxury of a spa treatment in the comfort of your home.

Declare Your Turning Point And Take Action

Fear is one of the greatest immobilizers. I have talked to people who have suffered profound losses (as I have), whether it be the loss of a loved one, getting laid off from a job, having one's home go into foreclosure, or being diagnosed with a serious illness. The question becomes: is it possible to live a "dolce vita" despite having to face terrible events? In fact, it is more important than ever to capture life's blissful moments--it is good for your emotional health and your physical health. There are many stories of people who have overcome impossibly tragic circumstances, and they all have one thing in common: they reached a turning point in which they refused to take their hard luck sitting down. They decided to move from fearful inaction to determined, massive, action--aimed at moving their lives forward. And in the process, they took the focus off of their hardships and laser-focused it on the gifts they have been graced with, no matter what else was going on. I have done this with my own life, and I help my clients to do it with theirs through my life coaching (info@dolcevitaseminars.com). It is not about frenetic action, but about planning a life strategy that you follow each and every day--even when you don't feel like it. Because when you are feeling defeated, you are also feeling helpless. The key is to focus on what you can control in your life, and start from there. Here is an easy starting point, which, if practiced throughout the day today will have you feeling better by the time you turn in tonight: Stand up straight and smile. That's it. do it today, and every day for 10 consecutive days. Do it as often as you can, whether you feel like it or not. You'll see how even a little bit of action--which you can control---will begin to turn your life back around.
What is stopping you from declaring your turning point? If you'd like me to mentor you in developing a life strategy and hold you accountable for making the next break-through in your life, write to me and let's begin taking action right now: info@dolcevitaseminars.com for a free introductory life coaching session, via telephone.
As always, your comments are welcomed on this post, and don't forget to subscribe (Atom) if you enjoy this blog. You can also follow me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/RaeleenMautner

Shift Happens (And it Should!)

There is a difference between a foreigner’s perspective of the Aeolian island of Stromboli (e.g., a simple image of an active volcano) versus the perspective of Italians who live nearby and refer to Stromboli as the isola dei sentimenti, the island of feelings. They go beyond the active volcano stage to affectionately seeing her as a moody dome of impenetrable rock, calmed and softened by the embrace of her acquiescing lover, the Tyrrhenian Sea. When is the last time you looked beyond your usual way of seeing things and opened yourself up to a paradigm shift (a new way of looking at things) that could lead you to a more intensely passionate dolce vita (sweet life)? If you feel bored, stuck, or devoid of enthusiasm, or find yourself complaining all the time, it may be time to let shift happen for you, too. Imagine the transformation if you shifted from:
· Fear to courage
· Defensiveness to the ability to listen
· Worry to positive action
· Factual knowledge to wisdom
· Narrow-mindedness to open-heartedness
· Clinging tight to letting go
· Junk food to life-giving foods
· Isolation to joyful socializing
Letting yourself explore a new perspective, helps the real you to emerge by unlocking self-imposed obstacles to your growth and personal development If you are ready to make a shift and need some support in following it through, I invite you to take advantage of a free 30-minute life coaching session to explore how we can work together. Write to info@dolcevitaseminars.com At www.dolcevitaseminars.com you can also sign up for my new weight-loss teleclass, starting this month.

8 "Dolce Vita" Happiness Strategies You Can Learn

How happy are you on a scale from 1-10? You might be pleased to know that happiness is not something that just happens or doesn’t happen to us. Whether or not you have the good fortune to be wealthy--monetarily and socially--- and despite evidence of some predisposition towards our mood patterns, happiness researchers such as Michael Fordyce, etc, have found that engaging in behaviors that happy people do, will make us feel happier, too, despite our circumstances. So what is happiness? My definition is tied in to what my “dolce vita” model of the sweet life conveys: it is mastering the art of living well-- physically and emotionally... and being able to capture and savor the small joys that are woven throughout each day, which, perhaps were imperceptible to you previously.

Here are some of the best kept secrets I teach to my workshop students and life coaching clients (for a free sample life coaching telephone session: info@dolcevitaseminars.com). Feel free to see if they work for you, too.


1. Anchor Yourself with Rituals
Abraham Maslow wrote a lot about the human need for security. He did not only mean the obvious, like protecting ourselves from crime and having our finances in order, but also important is the rhythm of ritual that grounds us, and makes us feel safe in an unpredictable world. What are some healthy rituals you can weave into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines?

2. Stop Stress with Your Breath
The breath is a powerful tool for replenishing. It is like a mini vacation and an immediate stress –buster. Here is one of my favorite stress-busting breath patterns; one that I patterned after the wonderful material of integrative physician Dr Andrew Weil. It works and here is how to do it: Take 4 breaths in; hold for a count of 7 then take 8 counts to exhale through your mouth with the tongue on roof of mouth. Hear the whooshing sound it makes as you exhale. Repeat this 3-4 times. It is the next best thing to going to the Amalfi Coast.

3. Use the Thought Exchange

Did you know that 90% of worries never come true? And the ones that do come true are often beyond our control. Try this: make a list of things that make you smile, and whenever a worry comes to mind, write it down (tell yourself you can deal with it later but for now you’d like it out of your head), and substitute that negative thought with one of those positive, happy images. Make this a habit to become less a worrywart!

4. Be Physically Active

Physical activity, according to Fordyce is a wonderful antidote to a sullen mood. As he puts it “idleness is depression’s workshop”. Keep busy and engaged in the tasks at work and at home. Find ways to enjoy those activities, and in your free time, seek out activities that are fun for you. Being active is like making an investment in your life.

5. Get Organized
Most of us go thru life blindly. According to Fordyce, you get what you want when you know what you want. So get going and make a life plan. Set goals, long and short term, and give yourself a map through the journey of life.

6. Clean Up Your Relationships

First, I try to help my clients draw personal boundaries around, or eliminate toxic
relationships, so they no longer have the power to control them. Second, even with positive relationships it is always a good idea to lower your expectations, and realize that people are only human, with all of the flaws that we ourselves have. Cut the people you love some slack. Third, spend more time socializing, making friends, and also maintaining the friendships you have. This was a key point in my book “Living la Dolce Vita: Bring the Passion, Laughter, and Serenity of Italy into Your Daily Life” (http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/), and it is important to remember that while we all need time alone, too much time alone can induce the blues.

7. Keep a Self- Therapeutic Journal

Writing is a tool that can be used for self-knowledge, catharsis (blowing off steam), self-expression, and for eliminating worries. You can also use journaling as a very effective weight loss tool (see my Spring Shape Up Teleclass, starting on April 13th http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/). Any cheap spiral notebook will do the job, but these days, when self-esteem seems to be dwindling along with the economy, I advise something that would seem counterintuitive—go and buy yourself one of those beautiful hardbound blank books, as a symbol that your life is worth it. In that book write out your goals, your dreams, anything you want—but keep it in a private place so that you will feel free to express yourself.

8. Achieve Something

Everyone needs to feel good about something they’ve accomplished. Give all tasks meaning by making them worthy of your time. Whether at home or at work, do the best job you can, at whatever you do. The research has shown that happy people are productive and this gives their life purpose.

NEWS:
· SELF-HELP WRITING eBook AVAILABLE: If you’d like to become a published self-help writer, you can order my new eBook on http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/. There you will find all of the information you need to reach your writing goals, including samples of article and book proposals, exercises for developing your theme and idea, and much much more.
· SPRING SHAPE-UP TELECLASS! Do you seek a gentler way to shape up for Spring? Valerie Bertinelli isn’t the only one who can look great in a bikini! Why not join me from the comfort of your own home, for my six-week teleclass series, Mondays, starting on April 13th, 8-9:30PM EST. You can register at http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/

· FREE SAMPLE LIFE COACHING SESSION: Specializing in working with Italian Americans who want to reduce stress, save money, and live simply and more joyfully by reconnecting to the “dolce vita” principles of their heritage. To arrange for a time: info@dolcevitaseminars.com

Be Your Own "Amore"

From the poetry of Petrarcha to a scrumptious pannino, Italian style romance is multilayered—like the concentric circles that emerge after throwing a stone into a calm lake. At the center point should always be the love you give to yourself. From there your love can flow to others and out into the world and you will never feel like you are running on “empty.” As Giacomo Dacquinto wrote in his best selling Seduzione, l’arte di farsi amare, Seduction: The Art of Making Others Fall in Love With You, “Give to yourself first; then you will always have something to give others.” Pampering yourself in a way that increases your well-being (nota bene, this would not include downing an entire box of chocolates in one sitting), really does make you irresistible. When you treat yourself like you’re special, healthy relationships will float into you, without your having to seek them out. And when you have honored yourself first, you’ll be prepared to receive love and reciprocate. You don't have to wait until you're in a relationship in order to feel loved; instead declare yourself the recipient of some special treatment in advance: throw yourself a party, order a special meal, or indulge in a half hour of il dolce far niente. When you love yourself, it sends the world a message that you are also worth being loved by others.
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Visit www.dolcevitaseminars.com to find out how you can get a free sample life coaching session with the "Dolce Vita Doctor". You will also find my latest eBook on How to Write and Publish Self-Help Books and Articles--jam-packed with great useable information and examples.

Teleclass Announcement!

Need to calm down, save money, and enjoy life more despite stressful times? Take my 4-week teleclass from the comfort of your home. For more information http://www.dolcevitaseminars.com/ click on Events & Workshops

The Power of One (The Dolce Vita Way to Lose Weight)

Do you remember your first cursive handwriting lesson as a kid? Chances are your teacher didn’t just put the alphabet in front of you and tell you to “go for it”. Instead, she had you begin with many repetitions of the letter “a” until writing that letter became second nature to you. Once you had it down pat, it became a motivating factor for wanting to make your “b” just as lovely. Personally, I could hardly wait to be able to write like the “big kids”, and so I made a heroic attempt to form all of my letters at once, in order to quickly get to the fluid part of writing. The result was maddening and frustrating. My letters were utterly illegible, and I ended up feeling like a complete failure. Fortunately, my second grade teacher, taught me that having the patience to perfect just a single letter of the alphabet before worrying about the others, would eventually start a chain reaction that made it easier to segue into the “b”, then the “c”, and so on. Before I knew it, I was there, and I have not had to start from square one since. The same thing is true with losing weight.

Losing weight, like learning to write in cursive, can be overwhelming if you think you have to learn all of the proper eating and exercising behaviors contemporaneously. You can’t suddenly expect to change years of improper eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle overnight, like rubbing on a magic genie lamp. Eventually you figure out there is no such thing as a genie that twitches her nose and transforms you into your slimmer alter ego. But here is an idea that is even better than having a personal genie, because you will learn to tap into the real genie within yourself. How do you get it to surface? You can start that chain reaction of weight loss success by selecting just ONE healthy behavior to work on at a time. Then go to the next. It doesn’t even have to be a major change. You could, for instance, simply increase your water intake by just one glass a day for the next couple of weeks. You will eventually perform this behavior effortlessly and naturally. When you see how easy that was, I promise you will be fired up for the next challenge. And then the next, and that is exactly how lifestyle behavior changes take hold. Are you ready to test the power of ONE for yourself? Here is how to start.

Begin by writing a list of ONES. Include all of the healthy dieting and exercise behaviors you think you need to work on, until they become second nature to you. Each list is individual, and you can jot down as many positive weight loss behaviors as you choose. Here are some ideas to get you started:

· One extra 20 minute walk on Saturdays
· One extra glass of water each day
· One less snack during the day each day
· One more serving of vegetables or fruit
· One 5-minute session of deep breathing in the morning
· One minute of positive affirmations at the beginning of each day
· One song on the radio each day, to which you dance freely
· One meal that includes low fat, healthy foods, each day.
· One less temptation hanging around in the refrigerator.
· One compliment that you give yourself without fail, each day.
· One minute of sit-ups before bed each night.
· One weigh-in a week to keep track of progress without obsessing
· One extra day a week of taking your vitamins, if it isn’t already a daily habit

Now choose a single behavior and don’t worry about the other ones on the list until you have mastered the one change you have targeted. Work on it for at least a couple of weeks, before beginning work on another one.
Notice how you feel once you have mastered each new positive habit. Notice how much more motivated you are to get right on to the next one.
Proceed this way until you have mastered your entire list. This is a satisfying, and very doable approach to weight loss, which inevitably snowballs from single behavioral changes, to an entire lifestyle overhaul.

My Power of One approach is a painless way to finally succeed at getting and staying fit. Give it a try and see if it works for you. Remember to center your energy on the behavior you have chosen for the day, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by other things you must do. Start with the “a” and before you know it you will be on “z” and everything will come together naturally. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “One today is worth two tomorrows”.

Letting Your Casa Mirror Your Spirit

“Disturbo O-s-s-e-s-s-i-v-o – C-o-m-p-u-l-s-i-v-o,” I once enunciated to my non-psychologist Amalfitana friend Graziella to explain obsessive compulsive disorder. This, after discovering that I could see my reflection in the highly polished finish of her floors.

“You can read a person’s heart by the way they keep house,” she replied calmly as we sat in her large airy villa overlooking the placid gulf of Salerno. We had been discussing a headline in the Corriere della Sera: Italy Beats U.S. 21-4. That wasn’t the latest soccer score, but instead the results of a recent market research survey, reflecting the number of hours Italian versus American women dedicate to maintaining their homes each week. While most Americans, myself included, might consider the hours Italian women spend cleaning excessive, Italians say that when you cherish your home, you cherish yourself. When you’re feeling good, you pretty up your home; when you’re feeling down, a pretty home lifts you up. “It doesn’t take a lot of euro to clear out clutter, polish floors, or tastefully decorate,” Graziella told me.

The interiors of all Italian homes, from tiny apartment to sprawling villa, whether ornately Mediterranean or modern minimalist, are united by one common denominator: uncluttered loving care. A well-groomed home nurtures all who enter with serenity, aesthetic pleasure, and inviting warmth. Italian decorators know that color matters, too. Choose brighter colors if you want a stimulating atmosphere or darker colors for a more calming effect. Graziella picked warm salmon for her walls, terracotta for the floors, and overstuffed cream leather upholstery to soften the angular spaciousness. Each piece served a dual purpose of functionality and beautification. Bowls of spiced potpourri blended a baked-goods aroma with the salty ocean air flowing in from the windows. Sitting here felt like paradise and impressed on me the power of a room to comfort, nurture, relax, or renew. It is all in how you arrange it, decorate it, and yes -- care for it. Graziella’s advice for making home where the heart is?

“Weave love into every room of your house. Think of your castle as the canvas upon which you paint a beautiful life.”

The "Che ci posso fare" Way of Letting Go

I’ve seen Marianna, Rosaria, Concetta, Nerio, Nunzio, Mario, and countless other Italian friends and relatives do it: I am referring to the unmistakable ability to size up a problem al volo, on the fly, and decide whether there is anything to be done about it or not. If yes, then a creative or practical solution is put into effect without fanfare. If no -- then, like the Serenity Prayer that counsels us to accept that which we cannot change -- there is an almost imperceptible shrug of the shoulders, elbows bent, palms facing upward as the sacrosanct phrase of absolution is uttered: che ci posso fare, loosely translated as “what are you going to do?”

As a kid growing up, I didn’t understand how this wise phrase reflected a mental turning point that allows you to put an impossible worry behind you and get back to the business of enjoying life. Who’s to say that with the passage of time a solution won’t come to you? Often it does. More often you realize that mountain of a problem was only a matter of perception, and now you perceive it as a molehill, hardly worth wringing your hands over.

Don’t get me wrong: I am all for taking action in response to life’s everyday problems. But I also have found that true serenity can be learned from the Bel Paese abitudine, of first determining if you want to, need to, or even can do something about a problem that has been making you miserable. Then realize that sometimes the best solution for an impossible situation is to accept it, let it go, and move yourself forward.

Family Traditions Mean Emotional Security

These days, change is happening fast. Banks are merging, companies downsizing, people relocating to where they can find work. In all of this confusion we can find an anchor of serenity if we look to that which is immutable: family rituals and traditions. On Xmas Eve I make fish as my great grandmothers did; when company stops in, I put on the machinetta for espresso and pull out the Sambuca, the way my mother used to. On my end tables sit delicately woven baskets that my zia Cristina once made by hand in the grain fields near Benevento, and on my walls hang artwork from my Calabrese artist ancestors. I didn’t invent these rituals and traditions; they were passed down to me through the generations, and I feel blessed to come from a cultural background that emphasizes preserving the “old ways”. Italy is a culture of tradition—from the yearly Venetian carnevale to the exodus from the cities on ferragosto. It is a culture of people who maintain the ritual of the afternoon caffe’ like their fathers and gread-grandmothers before them, and on Sunday, everyone still sits down to a leisurely afternoon pranzo, no matter what else is going on in the world.
If you’ve let the traditions of your ancestors fade away, now might be a good time to bring them back. Intergenerational rituals are not mindless rote activities that have no purpose. Tradition is about carrying on the rhythm of emotional security. There is calm and comfort in letting yourself be gently guided by generations who have paved the way before you . Human beings (especially in these times) crave and need security in various forms—financial, physical, and emotional. From newborn to elderly and all ages in between we feel safe when we establish meaningful routines, such as those our ancestors kept to. You don’t have to be of Italian heritage to explore (or start) family rituals and traditions. If you are unsure of your own familial traditions and want to see if they bring a measure of comfort to your emotional life, try asking an elderly aunt, or uncle, or see if a sister or brother can recall something about how your ancestors lived their lives. Look at old photos, or dig up some facts about the towns your grandparents grew up in to see what traditions were practiced in that time period and locale. It takes very little effort to reconnect to the heritage that anchors you, and the payoff can be big, in terms of your serenity.

The Power of a Bel Sorriso (smile)

Two years ago, I had the honor of taking part in the celebration of my new little cousin Carmine’s baptism in Castelpagano, Italy. At the restaurant after the ceremony, a local band played great Italian music from classic to modern ballads. I danced more Tarantellas than I had danced in my whole life and ate more aromatic lasagna than I dared ever eat between monthly weigh-ins. Oh, what splendid abandonment! But even more galvanizing than the music or the food was the charismatic smile of the 20-something lead singer Michele.

Michele, nurse by day and singer by night, skipped joyfully around the tables as he belted out powerful vocal melody, holding his microphone as if it were an aspergillum sprinkling holy water on the faithful. Then, directly gazing into the eyes of the guests, he flashed a sorriso (smile) that beamed energy into each of its recipients, reawakening them to the profound joy of feeling alive. Like Michele, we too have the power to draw people in and make them feel great to be around us, and that power lies in our own energetic smiles. The purity of a smile that has no agenda other than to communicate happiness has a power all its own. This simple pleasure is what the dolce vita is really about.

Remember this as you go through your day: Even when you don’t feel like smiling, just try it, and see how it can dramatically change not only your mood, but the energy of those around you.

The "Arrangiarsi" Mindset

We all know what the Italian philosophy of the arte d’arrangiarsi is, the characteristic bel paese approach to overcoming obstacles with the determination to get by, no matter what. That means when faced with adversity you find a way to go around it, take another route, or plough through it and somehow push yourself to move on. Life is about moving on, isn’t it? But did you know how this confident mindset of arrangiarsi actually contributes to psychological resiliency? There is a theory called “broaden and build”. It starts with the premise that negative (defeatist) and positive (can-do) emotions compliment and balance each other. Often, we have a full repertoire of negative emotions at the ready--emotions of sadness, distress, negativity, etc--- and we neglect to exercise the positive emotions that can balance our state of mind. Those positive emotions would include joy, contentment, and interest. We must make using these positive mental muscles more frequently if we want to be able to get by no matter what life hands us. Like anything else, the more you use them, the better they will work to help give us the mental resiliency we need to be able to bounce back from adversity. Being able to easily summon up positive emotions helps us actually regulate negative experiences. Which one of us hasn’t faced some kind of difficulty in ’08? I urge you to practice the confident mindset of arrangiarsi each and every day. It’s like putting money in the bank when you need it.

5 Secrets for a "Dolce Vita" Even if the Rest of the World is in Chaos

The "dolce vita" model I use to coach my clients is rooted in ancient Italian lifestyle habits, which the field of psychology has verified as a means to physical and emotional well-being. Most people come to me seeking a lifestyle makeover. A fresh new start, where all of the complications and entanglements of excessive overdrawn living, give way to a pure, authentic way of being. Wouldn't you like to be able to feel the joy of the little things again, and melt your worries until they dissapate into thin air? I can help . Here are five ways to start your journey, and if you'd like a mentor, write to set up a free 1/2 hour laser coaching session to get a taste of whether life coaching is for you. Info@dolcevitaseminars.com. Now let's take this step by step:
Step 1: Pare down to basics. Examine your bills and call companies to remove the extra services you don't need. Examine your wardrobe and sell or donate what you haven't worn for a year or more. Learn to say "no" so you can simplify your daily schedule. finally, cut "noisy thoughts" from your mind by substituing with long deep breaths.
Step 2: Cut out excess! We don't need 3 vacations a year, or to go to restaurants several times a week. You can save money by forgoing last minute items at the supermarket, and opting for freebies--like walking instead of going to the gym for exercise; brown-bagging it instead of buying lunch from the cafeteria.
Step 3: Keep your life balanced. Chaos comes from being overwhelmed with "to do " lists. 'Remember there is a time for work, and a time for play. Make sure your social relationships are healthy and positive, and that you also devote a certain amount of time to your spiritual nature.
Step 4: Use the One-Happiness-a-Day Rule: Make a list of things that make you smile. Then make sure you do one every day. Go out for coffee with your best friend; take a hot celtic salt bath with a few drops of lavender added to the water; work on a project you're good at so that you feel a sense of accomplishment.
Step 5. Project a Positive Energy. While most people are running around scared and confused, you be the one who keeps calm and draws like energy to you. No one wants to be around someone who is always complaining, crying, or expressing negativity. That only makes people more frightened than they are and they will try to avoid you, not hire you, not want to go out with you. Honestly, who could blame them?

Simplicity, modest living, and balance, are key to living a "dolce vita" in a world-gone-mad. And don't forget to take real joy in every small pleasure God graces your day with.

Step Back and See the Mosaico

In wealthier ancient Roman homes, the floors of the vestibulum (the long narrow hallway) leading from the front door to the atrium would be covered with brilliant mosaic art. At short range the complexity of colors, shapes, and materials of a mosaico mesmerize us---the sparkling marble, the brilliant lapis, malachite, turquoise, mother-of-pearl, or colored glass. From close-up we may even notice flaws in the individual pieces. But those imperfections fade away as soon as we step back into the magic of the emergent image. Now a unified picture appears whose beauty transcends all tiny imperfections. The crafting of a Roman mosaic conveys a story of love, patience and the harmonious coexistence among many unique pieces—just like the living mosaic of a human life. None of us can be defined by just one material, one color, or one shape. Instead as individuals we encompass a variety of traits, behaviors, habits, and preferences, each with our share of tiny flaws and imperfections. Tolerance is what happens when we are able to step back and consider the entire person as a whole. How many times have we judged others—or ourselves-- on the basis of one flaw, one mistake, or one misunderstanding? How many times have we focused on a single insignificant imperfection, which, when given the whole picture, isn’t really important after all? We all need to remind ourselves now and then to step back see the whole mosaico, and give others---and ourselves—a much needed break!

Get Rid of Excess Living

In the days of my immigrant grandparents, there was no such thing as "waste". If you only used half a paper towel, you folded it in half, tore it apart, and saved the rest for the next time. We have gotten so far away from that mentality, we have literally drowned ourselves in excessive living, and now it is up to us to throw ourselves a lifeline to get out of this mess. Have you been buying things that you realize you already have at home? Have you taken a good look at your bills to see if there is any extra "padding" in them, or services you don't use? Have you been going out to dinner with friends for fear you'll be left out if you would rather eat home and save money? These are all signs of Excess Living. The beauty is, once you weed the excess out, a beautify clarity comes into focus. It is like putting the plug in a bathtub filled with your energy--financial and emotional. You don't want your energy to be all drained away . You'll find you don't need excess, and that with simplicity comes tranquility.

Welcome! Benvenuti

Welcome to my new blog . I hope to fill this space with lots of personal development articles that will help you live your life with balance and simplicity. Many of my posts will be based on techniques that I have learned through my 20 years of teaching psychology, but I will also include the tips that promote well-being, based on lifestyle tips of the Bel Paese. There are so many wonderful, effective ways to live well in these tough economic times. Ways to reduce stress, save money, and become more focused and skilled in the face of our challenges. This blog is meant to be educational, it is not psychotherapy. As a life coach and personal development consultant I hope to present information that will help you to be all you were meant to be.