Be Your Own "Amore"

From the poetry of Petrarcha to a scrumptious pannino, Italian style romance is multilayered—like the concentric circles that emerge after throwing a stone into a calm lake. At the center point should always be the love you give to yourself. From there your love can flow to others and out into the world and you will never feel like you are running on “empty.” As Giacomo Dacquinto wrote in his best selling Seduzione, l’arte di farsi amare, Seduction: The Art of Making Others Fall in Love With You, “Give to yourself first; then you will always have something to give others.” Pampering yourself in a way that increases your well-being (nota bene, this would not include downing an entire box of chocolates in one sitting), really does make you irresistible. When you treat yourself like you’re special, healthy relationships will float into you, without your having to seek them out. And when you have honored yourself first, you’ll be prepared to receive love and reciprocate. You don't have to wait until you're in a relationship in order to feel loved; instead declare yourself the recipient of some special treatment in advance: throw yourself a party, order a special meal, or indulge in a half hour of il dolce far niente. When you love yourself, it sends the world a message that you are also worth being loved by others.
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The Power of One (The Dolce Vita Way to Lose Weight)

Do you remember your first cursive handwriting lesson as a kid? Chances are your teacher didn’t just put the alphabet in front of you and tell you to “go for it”. Instead, she had you begin with many repetitions of the letter “a” until writing that letter became second nature to you. Once you had it down pat, it became a motivating factor for wanting to make your “b” just as lovely. Personally, I could hardly wait to be able to write like the “big kids”, and so I made a heroic attempt to form all of my letters at once, in order to quickly get to the fluid part of writing. The result was maddening and frustrating. My letters were utterly illegible, and I ended up feeling like a complete failure. Fortunately, my second grade teacher, taught me that having the patience to perfect just a single letter of the alphabet before worrying about the others, would eventually start a chain reaction that made it easier to segue into the “b”, then the “c”, and so on. Before I knew it, I was there, and I have not had to start from square one since. The same thing is true with losing weight.

Losing weight, like learning to write in cursive, can be overwhelming if you think you have to learn all of the proper eating and exercising behaviors contemporaneously. You can’t suddenly expect to change years of improper eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle overnight, like rubbing on a magic genie lamp. Eventually you figure out there is no such thing as a genie that twitches her nose and transforms you into your slimmer alter ego. But here is an idea that is even better than having a personal genie, because you will learn to tap into the real genie within yourself. How do you get it to surface? You can start that chain reaction of weight loss success by selecting just ONE healthy behavior to work on at a time. Then go to the next. It doesn’t even have to be a major change. You could, for instance, simply increase your water intake by just one glass a day for the next couple of weeks. You will eventually perform this behavior effortlessly and naturally. When you see how easy that was, I promise you will be fired up for the next challenge. And then the next, and that is exactly how lifestyle behavior changes take hold. Are you ready to test the power of ONE for yourself? Here is how to start.

Begin by writing a list of ONES. Include all of the healthy dieting and exercise behaviors you think you need to work on, until they become second nature to you. Each list is individual, and you can jot down as many positive weight loss behaviors as you choose. Here are some ideas to get you started:

· One extra 20 minute walk on Saturdays
· One extra glass of water each day
· One less snack during the day each day
· One more serving of vegetables or fruit
· One 5-minute session of deep breathing in the morning
· One minute of positive affirmations at the beginning of each day
· One song on the radio each day, to which you dance freely
· One meal that includes low fat, healthy foods, each day.
· One less temptation hanging around in the refrigerator.
· One compliment that you give yourself without fail, each day.
· One minute of sit-ups before bed each night.
· One weigh-in a week to keep track of progress without obsessing
· One extra day a week of taking your vitamins, if it isn’t already a daily habit

Now choose a single behavior and don’t worry about the other ones on the list until you have mastered the one change you have targeted. Work on it for at least a couple of weeks, before beginning work on another one.
Notice how you feel once you have mastered each new positive habit. Notice how much more motivated you are to get right on to the next one.
Proceed this way until you have mastered your entire list. This is a satisfying, and very doable approach to weight loss, which inevitably snowballs from single behavioral changes, to an entire lifestyle overhaul.

My Power of One approach is a painless way to finally succeed at getting and staying fit. Give it a try and see if it works for you. Remember to center your energy on the behavior you have chosen for the day, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by other things you must do. Start with the “a” and before you know it you will be on “z” and everything will come together naturally. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “One today is worth two tomorrows”.

Letting Your Casa Mirror Your Spirit

“Disturbo O-s-s-e-s-s-i-v-o – C-o-m-p-u-l-s-i-v-o,” I once enunciated to my non-psychologist Amalfitana friend Graziella to explain obsessive compulsive disorder. This, after discovering that I could see my reflection in the highly polished finish of her floors.

“You can read a person’s heart by the way they keep house,” she replied calmly as we sat in her large airy villa overlooking the placid gulf of Salerno. We had been discussing a headline in the Corriere della Sera: Italy Beats U.S. 21-4. That wasn’t the latest soccer score, but instead the results of a recent market research survey, reflecting the number of hours Italian versus American women dedicate to maintaining their homes each week. While most Americans, myself included, might consider the hours Italian women spend cleaning excessive, Italians say that when you cherish your home, you cherish yourself. When you’re feeling good, you pretty up your home; when you’re feeling down, a pretty home lifts you up. “It doesn’t take a lot of euro to clear out clutter, polish floors, or tastefully decorate,” Graziella told me.

The interiors of all Italian homes, from tiny apartment to sprawling villa, whether ornately Mediterranean or modern minimalist, are united by one common denominator: uncluttered loving care. A well-groomed home nurtures all who enter with serenity, aesthetic pleasure, and inviting warmth. Italian decorators know that color matters, too. Choose brighter colors if you want a stimulating atmosphere or darker colors for a more calming effect. Graziella picked warm salmon for her walls, terracotta for the floors, and overstuffed cream leather upholstery to soften the angular spaciousness. Each piece served a dual purpose of functionality and beautification. Bowls of spiced potpourri blended a baked-goods aroma with the salty ocean air flowing in from the windows. Sitting here felt like paradise and impressed on me the power of a room to comfort, nurture, relax, or renew. It is all in how you arrange it, decorate it, and yes -- care for it. Graziella’s advice for making home where the heart is?

“Weave love into every room of your house. Think of your castle as the canvas upon which you paint a beautiful life.”

The "Che ci posso fare" Way of Letting Go

I’ve seen Marianna, Rosaria, Concetta, Nerio, Nunzio, Mario, and countless other Italian friends and relatives do it: I am referring to the unmistakable ability to size up a problem al volo, on the fly, and decide whether there is anything to be done about it or not. If yes, then a creative or practical solution is put into effect without fanfare. If no -- then, like the Serenity Prayer that counsels us to accept that which we cannot change -- there is an almost imperceptible shrug of the shoulders, elbows bent, palms facing upward as the sacrosanct phrase of absolution is uttered: che ci posso fare, loosely translated as “what are you going to do?”

As a kid growing up, I didn’t understand how this wise phrase reflected a mental turning point that allows you to put an impossible worry behind you and get back to the business of enjoying life. Who’s to say that with the passage of time a solution won’t come to you? Often it does. More often you realize that mountain of a problem was only a matter of perception, and now you perceive it as a molehill, hardly worth wringing your hands over.

Don’t get me wrong: I am all for taking action in response to life’s everyday problems. But I also have found that true serenity can be learned from the Bel Paese abitudine, of first determining if you want to, need to, or even can do something about a problem that has been making you miserable. Then realize that sometimes the best solution for an impossible situation is to accept it, let it go, and move yourself forward.

Family Traditions Mean Emotional Security

These days, change is happening fast. Banks are merging, companies downsizing, people relocating to where they can find work. In all of this confusion we can find an anchor of serenity if we look to that which is immutable: family rituals and traditions. On Xmas Eve I make fish as my great grandmothers did; when company stops in, I put on the machinetta for espresso and pull out the Sambuca, the way my mother used to. On my end tables sit delicately woven baskets that my zia Cristina once made by hand in the grain fields near Benevento, and on my walls hang artwork from my Calabrese artist ancestors. I didn’t invent these rituals and traditions; they were passed down to me through the generations, and I feel blessed to come from a cultural background that emphasizes preserving the “old ways”. Italy is a culture of tradition—from the yearly Venetian carnevale to the exodus from the cities on ferragosto. It is a culture of people who maintain the ritual of the afternoon caffe’ like their fathers and gread-grandmothers before them, and on Sunday, everyone still sits down to a leisurely afternoon pranzo, no matter what else is going on in the world.
If you’ve let the traditions of your ancestors fade away, now might be a good time to bring them back. Intergenerational rituals are not mindless rote activities that have no purpose. Tradition is about carrying on the rhythm of emotional security. There is calm and comfort in letting yourself be gently guided by generations who have paved the way before you . Human beings (especially in these times) crave and need security in various forms—financial, physical, and emotional. From newborn to elderly and all ages in between we feel safe when we establish meaningful routines, such as those our ancestors kept to. You don’t have to be of Italian heritage to explore (or start) family rituals and traditions. If you are unsure of your own familial traditions and want to see if they bring a measure of comfort to your emotional life, try asking an elderly aunt, or uncle, or see if a sister or brother can recall something about how your ancestors lived their lives. Look at old photos, or dig up some facts about the towns your grandparents grew up in to see what traditions were practiced in that time period and locale. It takes very little effort to reconnect to the heritage that anchors you, and the payoff can be big, in terms of your serenity.

The Power of a Bel Sorriso (smile)

Two years ago, I had the honor of taking part in the celebration of my new little cousin Carmine’s baptism in Castelpagano, Italy. At the restaurant after the ceremony, a local band played great Italian music from classic to modern ballads. I danced more Tarantellas than I had danced in my whole life and ate more aromatic lasagna than I dared ever eat between monthly weigh-ins. Oh, what splendid abandonment! But even more galvanizing than the music or the food was the charismatic smile of the 20-something lead singer Michele.

Michele, nurse by day and singer by night, skipped joyfully around the tables as he belted out powerful vocal melody, holding his microphone as if it were an aspergillum sprinkling holy water on the faithful. Then, directly gazing into the eyes of the guests, he flashed a sorriso (smile) that beamed energy into each of its recipients, reawakening them to the profound joy of feeling alive. Like Michele, we too have the power to draw people in and make them feel great to be around us, and that power lies in our own energetic smiles. The purity of a smile that has no agenda other than to communicate happiness has a power all its own. This simple pleasure is what the dolce vita is really about.

Remember this as you go through your day: Even when you don’t feel like smiling, just try it, and see how it can dramatically change not only your mood, but the energy of those around you.